NYC...

So I'm off to NYC today, I expect to come back some time on Monday. Wish me luck, hopefully I'll be able to post something worth reading or looking at.

Wish me luck!

...Art

Po-lice, revisited.

Hey all.

I've been tired/ill the last little while so while I've HAD stuff to blog, I didn't 'cuz I was going to bed at 7pm or whatever.

So.

What's been going on with Art lately? Well, would you believe I got pulled over by the cops again? Oh yes. They pulled me over. This time I didn't get to drive off without talking to a cop. And what a talk it was!

See, I was on my way home after work and there was a cop in the left lane, I was in the right, heading down along Winston Churchill in Mississauga. He was basically beside me for a couple of blocks, so I'm sure he knew I was there and probably ran my plate or whatever... Strobe lights.

Fuck.

I pull over to the shoulder, and run through what I'm going to say. I was thinking about what went on in the incident I blogged about earlier, if you haven't read that entry maybe you should to clear some of this up. I really did wait at that speed trap, no one came to see me, I passed the chase car without incident, maybe I interpreted the cops gestures wrong... play stupid and innocent. Guess they entered my plate as a run-off, and while cruising along with this cop I guess he discovered that.

I hit the hazards, and waited for the cop to approach. He walks up and asks me how I'm doing. I told him I was fine, and braced for the questions I believed were about to follow.

"Do you have your turn lights on?"

"They're both on now", I replied, "the hazards are on."

"Could you turn off the hazard lights and turn on your left turn signal?"

I did. I know it works, I don't see why he's stopping me for a broken turn signal. If the bulb was burned out, it would have flashed quickly. Incidentally, if any of you are driving around with a hyper-blinking turn signal CHECK YOUR FUCKING BULBS YOU MORONS! I had a chat a few months ago with some people who didn't know why their cars were doing that. I thought it was common knowledge, but I should have known better.

He comes back to the window and says, "Is there any reason why you didn't use your turn signal when making that abrupt lane change?"

"I did use it", I said. He asked me for my license and registration, and advised me that it was a $110 fine for not using the signal. I fumbled around for a bit with the registration documents because I removed my document holder from the car a while ago and the papers I was looking for were buried in the glove box. He got my documents and walked back to the cruiser.

Turn signal. Fuck. THAT's what this was over? See, just before being pulled over, the SUV in front of me hit the brakes as the car in front of him was making a right turn into a side road. There was a gap ahead of the cruiser who was to my left and behind me, so instead of slamming on the brakes, I pulled into that spot. But I used my turn signal. I know I did. I always do when doing something like that. It was a quick signal, granted, but it was a quick lane change too. It was all over in a matter of seconds; turn signal, lane change, and driving along as usual. My MY fault he was looking at his computer at the time, or jerking off, or whatever the fuck cops are doing when they don't notice turn-signals.

After running me through the computer, and finding that my record's stupidly squeaky-clean, he comes back to the car and hands me my items.

"Where's Rosseau, Ontario?"

"South-east of Parry Sound", I said.

"Is that still your current address?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing down here?"

This is where I started coming unglued and impatient, as I always seem to around cops. What business is it of yours, I thought, since when did we live in some locked down "Where are your documents, and what are you doing here in this restricted area?" communist fucking police-state? I can't say that though, my day'll turn much worse. "Visiting family, for the most part."

"I'm going to let you go with a warning today, sir." Well, thanks. In my mind I had done nothing wrong, I used the turn signal, hell I even remembered the click of the switch.

I thought, cool, officially he's letting me go with a warning. Can he turn that around and make it a ticket? I guess. Though in court I could say he agreed to let me go with a warning, so that should have stuck... and we were just discussing things... CAN cops change their minds? Ah, fuck it, here goes nothing.

"Thanks. Though, really, I did use the turn-signal."

He leans in a bit to hear me better.

"It would have been really stupid to have made a lane change in front of a..." Shit... what's a nice way of saying cop? Officer. That's it. "...officer, without using a turn-signal." I hate cops. And their holier than thou bullshit. I've seen the worst turn-signal offenders, time and time again, in police cruisers. I know there was a blog post last summer about how I called the cops on an erratic driver, who wasn't signaling turns... and the officer taking the report heard a description of an Ontario Provincial Police cruiser. I don't take shit well from cops, their Do As I Say, Not As I Do attitude makes me want to kill babies.

"Just be sure to use your turn signals, and don't make such wild lane changes. Your lane change scared me."

I thought, shit, if you scare that easily, should you be carrying a gun?

...Oh my god. My lips were moving. And my throat felt as though it'd recently made a sound. Fuck, was that out-loud? What the hell? Who is this Alter-Art that lives in my skull, and why's he such a bitch? I started thinking, and I don't remember hearing the words "If you scare that easily"... but I *DO* remember hearing the words "Should you be carrying a gun?"

I was looking ahead at the time I thought/said that, and it seemed kind of quiet. The radio was still playing, and traffic was passing by on the street... I guess a combination of all that meant he didn't hear me, or took it in stride and let it roll off his back.

He let me go.

I really am more of a dick than I should be. I really should learn to say the bare minimum required to seem co-coperative and non-confrontational.

...but anyone who's read or heard about my run-ins with the Go Transit officer (who, incidentally, carries all the powers of a for-real cop without the inconvenience of having to serve the public), or the long exchange I had with a Ontario Parks ranger where after half an hour of bullshit I proved them wrong and gave them an ear-full... Well, if you've heard these stories you KNOW that's not my style. Why I feel the need to be a dick? I dunno. Have I been extremely lucky so far? Yeah. Lucky and sharp-tongued, that skill's gotten me through with flying colours and good stories so far.

My time will come. My luck will run out. I know this.

I hope maybe some of you readers will come visit me in the slammer.

Take care folks.

...Art

April Fool's

Yeah. So hi. Happy April and such.

This is a short one; I heard today that tomorrow we're supposed to be having a snow storm. It's like... all warm and shit today. I'm half expecting someone on the television to start slapping their knee and yelling: "Hahaha! April Fool's! There's no snow coming, it's really going to be 19C and sunny. But we had you all going, didn't we? Hahaha!"

...

Oh well. At least it's supposed to warm up again afterwards. And, I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that winter's dead and done with. Now I'm looking forward to summer. BBQs with friends, drinking and smoking pot outdoors without shivering... that sort of thing. I'm a little bit bummed about things at the moment as I had a conversation with someone yesterday who asked me for help with regards to scoping out a used motorcycle. I've been a bit ticked off ever since. Well, except or the time from around 1pm today 'cuz my boss brought in stew and roast beef for everyone, and they finally dropped Coors Light from the beer offerings and brought in a case of Keith's India Pale Ale for today's lunch. Now if I can just convince them to drop the Molson Dry for something good, I'd be one happy employee.

...except for the income part of things. I love my coworkers. I really do. But I really need to find a new job. Devoting 40 hours a week to this place isn't doing much for my bank account, and I really want a new bike. Especially if I'm now going to have another riding buddy. ...buh.

Anyway, I guess I'm generally in a good mood (several Pale Ales will do that to a person, apparently) so I'm kinda thinking that my time's coming. I'll be back to earning for-real money during the days soon enough. Thank god for my evening income as it's keeping me alive, but even then the crackwhores and dealers can't be good for my ... holy crap, what am I going on about?

Speaking of holy and keeping alive, I hear the Pope's not doing so well. If you care, and he's kicked the can by the time you've read this, then I'd like to take a moment to send you my condolances. He was a useful Pope, unlike those who came before him, and I'm sure he'll act as an inspiration for the next guy who takes over. With any luck, the new guy will continue to tour around the world and say hello to hundreds of millions over the next couple of decades, spreading good wishes and words of peace as he does so.

...if you don't care, you probably should. A jackass for a new pope can cause those of us living happy sinful lives some grief. Hopefully the New Guy won't rally the Roman Catholics to march and demand that condoms be removed from stores, that gays not wed (this'll spawn protests from the RC crew AND the gay folk, and really, I don't have much patience for protests), and that superior music not be broadcast or performed in venues "in their communities". And so help me if they start knockin' door to door like those OTHER Jesus fans, the Jehova's Witnesses. I rather (dig/dug) this Pope. Good peeps. SHOULD have passed Vatican law saying that kids shouldn't be molested by priests when he had that meeting with all them Bishops and Cardinals and such regarding that very issue, but hey. I guess saying that habitual repeat offenders will probably be dealt with is better than turning a blind eye outright.

...where was I? Oh yeah, I was keeping this short, and I was in a drunken depressed by happy optimistic mood... however that's possible. Wow, I all kinds of fucked that up, and on all sorts of fronts. I guess I'll just say buh-bye and go nap for a bit.

Oh, and to the old Pope: Congrats on a job done well enough. Rest in peace.

New Pope: Don't fuck up.

...Art